“This one’s the slew dem Christmas put ‘em on the Christmas hit list… All that gluttony and greed, we forget what people need…”
The words from a Grime rap I challenged myself to perform and ‘bounce’ to three Christmas’ ago (2007). I was Indeed one of the writers and performers for ‘Mistletoe and Grime,’ a funky fusion of Burlesque and Grime, needless to say I was from the Burlesque field but then found myself in love with the art of Grime. The bounce, the beats, the lyrics – we could all join in a mass ‘bouncing’ (bobbing up and down, with angry faces) to our own lyrics about our own Xmas experience.
So let’s slew ‘dem bells with stockings, ice, and snowstorms in martini glasses… of course.
Come what Mei at Christmas for me
From a childhood of Lapland to a teenage lap dancing ‘Naughty Nativity’ party – I have had everything but, tacky tinsel at Christmas.
Oh and with a sprinkling of depression, a sparkling cast on my arm and a few family feuds, I can’t help but love the landmark each year.
2007: This one was the “Slew-dem Christmas” of experimental theatre, a new boyfriend, a job at Selfridges and the final frolics of first year at University.
2008: “La vita è bella”… a natale in Napoli con ‘Preserpe’ (Nativity scenes) – I returned home with my family after spending a semester working as a dance and drama teacher in Naples. I became less of a ‘femme fatale’ to more of a ‘femme too thin.’
2009: A stocking full of sport that I endured… before I fell on ice and broke my hand. A sparkly cast on my arm I did have and, I ate my words from last year’s rant that “I’d prefer to break a bone than have depression…” and wham bam snapping hand – it happened.
2010: No broken bones as yet, no more Naples and not even a Grime rap in sight – I’d hate to think I’d arrived at The Waltons…
For a self-employed spendaholic (and occasional student) it is a two-day regimented routine, each year that I revel in…
Day 1 = Xmas 1 (Christmas day) at the Fathers’
No riff-raff here – we enjoy a very quaint family Christmas at the house of my Dad and my other dad (my dad’s civil partner) along with my elder sister (a fashion designer currently working her way through New York) and of course Fudge – our beloved fat cat.
The house’s interior belongs in an issue of ‘Homes & Garden’s,’ the tree will be separated by my step-dad (no tinsel just 2 alternating colours) and no doubt my dad will have recreated a scene from Channel 4: ‘Kirsty’s home-made Christmas.’
Morning is filled with stockings – well a little more sacks than stockings – as my dad shops throughout the year ensuring we all have stocking fills and more. We then scrape up a continental breakfast and strong coffee until I can no longer breathe… present time!!!
A system at play – Only one person at one time can open a present and once you have done so the wrapping goes in the recycle (I some time’s like to stir-up my step-dad by leaving it on the woolen carpet so the cheery smiles of Santa clashes with the Farrow and Ball wallpaper … muhaha).
The afternoon is spent with us finishing the chocolate in our stockings whilst step-dad slaves at the stove to create a family feast for ten to fifteen – all depends how many ‘add-ons’ we’ve added between us. There are the standard three close friends who join us each year and then… maybe a foreign student who is stuck in the snow, a new boyfriend or just someone my dad will have took sympathy on…
Nonetheless, each year there is a plentiful of vegetarian offerings, normally in the shape of a roulade, but never a Turkey in sight just the stuffing, the roasted tats and a platter of vegetables. (We like to offer a bit of pudding but only I back in my ‘good days’ of careless free youth could fit it in).
Queen’s speech! Well in our household, we’re bigger followers of Sharon Osbourne’s words of wisdom, plus an annual addiction to ‘Noel’s Christmas surprises’ – where the dads and friends weep and my sister and I, sleep off the heavy meal…
The night is fun-filled with guests (normally the one’s like us who rely on good friends – family or not) and we all celebrate by watching Dad do the buffet and drinking a glass of bubbles or ten.
(Please note: this is subject to change as the day alternates with my mother’s family)
Day 2= Xmas 2 (Boxing Day) at the Mother’s
Still no Turkey in sight as we are a vegetarian’s delight (myself now a Vegan so chocolate shall be a challenge this year)…
We arrive back home at Mum’s (sometimes just me or my Sister and I) to be greeted by my mum and her husband (our step-dad) plus a couple of impatient younger step-brothers.
We all sit around our oriental-style round table with plates of nasi lemak (Malay rice, fried egg and curry – a breakfast dish), baked bread (for the ‘boys’) and a selection of stir fried vegetables for my sister and I, as well as a cracker for my step-brother (who is autistic so he must have the same breakfast eachyear – this includes witnessing a bitten carrot and half-drunk glass of Sherry on Xmas/Boxing day morning). After a few burnt buns, some yummy stirfry and an odd bit of dancing to Christmas pop (another tradition of by step-bro’s) we then embark on our little living room full to the brim of presents.
Again the important order – one person at a time and we must all watch and go “ooh-ahh” otherwise my stepbrother refuses to participate. It is the funniest of family scenes… especially to see our poor little tree which has been decorated to death over the years with tinsel, hand-made school crafts and chocolate coins (well, wrappers).
NEXT – the ladies of the house go into the kitchen (out of choice not societal err’s) and we make the most weird and wonderful Christmas carvery of Chinese food, duck (made from potato’s) and again a feaslty feature of a roulade…
Then the buffet.
Then the TV.
Then the pub/bed.
Love it. Since I was at nursery I have always held on to Christmas being that time of year where you thank the bunting that you don’t just have one home but you have two – you even have 3 dads! And friends well friends and extended family are what build our bricks – two create two very different season’s in two very different households – but what we have and we share is a little bit of love.
And extra presents.
Actually double a ‘2.4 family’s’ amount of presents.
I wrote in primary school: “I love Christmas to see all the people in both my homes and I get 2 of everything, even 2 Christmas dinners. Who needs leftovers?”